I Don't Have (that
report, my homework, etc.)
I Forgot (your birthday,
our anniversary, etc.)
I Haven't (cleaned
the garage, done the laundry, etc.)
I Didn't Call
Important Notes on
in Touch with Us
Important Notes on Lying
In general, it is our philosophy at ExcuseMonkey that
it is best to avoid lying; however, that is not always practical,
or even possible. When confronted with a situation in which deception
is the best option, we urge you to keep in mind the following guiding
Vague excuses are generally better
than highly specific ones. The reason for this is very simple--the
more specifics you have to formulate and remember, the more opportunities
you have to get it wrong. Additionally, an abundance of specific
information frequently makes an excuse sound fabricated. Be ready
with specifics, but don't use them unless you absolutely must.
In the same vain, design your excuse
in such a way as to discourage others from asking for specific
information. A good example would be a "family matter of
some urgency". This is the kind of excuse that, while raising
more questions than it answers, frequently leaves others uncomfortable
with pursuing any further explanation.
Likewise, any excuse that is embarrassing
or that brings up potentially uncomfortable topics will usually
dissuade further discussion. An amusing but popular variation
on this theme is "explosive diarrhea".
- Remember, most of the time, while they might be
suspicious, most co-workers and bosses really want to believe
your excuse. But they will be insulted if you lie poorly--a really
bad lie is far more disrespectful than the fact that you failed
to do whatever you were supposed to do. A good lie will not only
win you a reprieve, it will maintain and perhaps enhance your working
- As a rule, avoid excuses that may require documentation.
While injuries, illness, or a death in the family may certainly
work as a viable excuse, the ramifications of expected documentation
can be daunting. Fortunately, if you've already found yourself in
this quandry, we have tools available to help you out.
- Finally, once you are on the path of deception,
fully embrace your lie. The best way to effectively deliver a lie
is to believe it; call it "the Method" approach to lying.
Once you are no longer certain what the truth is, your opposition
is unlikely to question you--to do so could be an insult.
We will end our brief discussion of the
principles of deception here. Of course, lying is a rich subject with
a long and glorious history and, as such, any discussion as brief as
the above is sure to be incomplete. We would encourage you to further
explore the resources here at ExcuseMonkey.com as your guide to the
Excuse-Making subset of the Deception Paradigm. Enjoy!
Intended, of course, for entertainment
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