Grandmother's Funeral

Doctor's Note

I'm Late

I Don't Have (that report, my homework, etc.)

I Forgot (your birthday, our anniversary, etc.)

I Haven't (cleaned the garage, done the laundry, etc.)

I Didn't Call

Important Notes on Lying

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Doctor's Note


If you have not yet delivered a serious injury or illness excuse, we cannot caution more strongly to avoid this potentially catastrophic misrepresentation. Documentation of this kind poses serious difficulties for the best-equipped practitioners of the deceptive arts.

Appropriate research and planning is critical to the successful development of a major illness excuse, which may still fail in the face of less-than-perfect execution.

In coming weeks, we will introduce several cutting-edge Chaos-Based Monkey Wisdom™ technologies to aid you in the pursuit of this elusive and delicate prize. But you can't say we didn't warn you.


Intended, of course, for entertainment purposes only.


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