Grandmother's Funeral

Doctor's Note

I'm Late

I Don't Have (that report, my homework, etc.)

I Forgot (your birthday, our anniversary, etc.)

I Haven't (cleaned the garage, done the laundry, etc.)

I Didn't Call

Important Notes on Lying

About ExcuseMonkey

Get in Touch with Us



About ExcuseMonkey


It has been said that a thousand monkeys typing randomly on a thousand typewriters for a thousand years would eventually compose the works of William Shakespeare. Here at, we take a similar approach to the serious work of excuse-making. However, do not take our reliance on simian technology as a sign of weakness; our development of Chaos-Based Monkey Wisdom™ far exceeds the efforts of any of our peers or competitors. In fact, we humbly suggest that ExcuseMonkey technology represents the single greatest accomplishment in the history of mankind.


Studies have suggested that, opposed to the common characterization that lying represents a moral defect of some kind, the ability to lie, and lie well, actually represents an important life skill. Unfortunately, most of us must learn to lie without the benefit of formal training of any kind. As such, our results are often inconsistent, and we are left with trial and error to determine the most successful approach. Here at ExcuseMonkey, we are dedicated to maintaining a comprehensive database of excuse-building tools for the benefit of mankind. As a philanthropic institution, we value your input on our progress towards that vision, so feel free to send us an email, especially if you're interested in making a donation to the ExcuseMonkey cause.

--Arthur Rimbaud,

Head MonkeyMaster


Intended, of course, for entertainment purposes only.


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